Let me first start off by stating that I absolutely HATE when people pronounce it “Valentimes Day”. When is Valentime? Point to it on a clock! When in the calendar year is it Valentime!? If you pronounce it this way, you
don’t deserve any chalky heart-shaped antacid candies. deserve to eat ONLY chalky heart-shaped antacid candies! FOREVER!!!
Pal-entine’s Day, Gal-entine’s Day, Single’s Awareness Day… For semi-Bitter Bettys and Barrys such as myself, this past February 14th took on a slightly different tone than the mainstream. For many of us it was a silent massacre. Millions of eligible bachelor’s and bachelorette’s unwanted bodies strewn about highways and workplaces; their faces twisted in agony with cold eyes glossed over. Tortured mercilessly, some for days, with your stories of how “Bae surprised me. He/She/It/They are sooo thoughtful!” We lept like lemmings to our deaths.
For me, it consisted of staring at my phone, rolling/thrashing on the couch, and sort of mumble-sobbing. Mind you, I’m usually that emotional on every other day, it just FELT more poignant on that day… you know, on account of the nationwide peer pressure. (Note to whomever: DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT get onto any social media on any holiday ever! Just don’t. Even Leif Ericsson Day.)
I’m gonna talk with (not TO, because I’m not your mom) you about what I, and perhaps you, SHOULD have done if you were V and/or D-less on Alentine’s Ay.
What you should have done was look yourself in the eye (with the aid of a mirror, I guess) and realized where love in your life MUST originate. It has to start with you. And its going to take work.
“The fact that someone else loves you doesn’t rescue you from the work of loving yourself.” – Sahaj Kohli
I know how it sounds, but without self love you will search for someone to love you, and you WILL be disappointed. In truth, you’re looking for someone to give you everything you need, and that person already exists. [clears throat and prepares for how lame this will sound:] YOU ARE YOUR SOUL MATE! [rolls eyes aggressively] Other people can only compliment you, they will not be a balm for every wound, address every fear or concern, and they will not/ cannot be your source of happiness. That well must spring from within. Otherwise, when theirs dries up you will be back at square one again, and the hunt for wholeness will continue. If/when they leave, you will be the worst kind of alone.
What does loving yourself look like? To know that, you’ll have to dig deep. Really examine many of your current and past relationships. Relationships of all kinds: friends, lovers, co-workers, and even enemies. They’re all vital in the shaping of your self-love. If you think about the way they made you feel, and the actions that yielded those feelings, you’ll put together a sort of make-shift recipe for self love. How can you replicate that satisfaction for and in yourself? This same process of personal-inventory will reveal to you what you can do in relationships with others to yield more satisfaction.
My Self Love Recipe
3 tbs. of regular physical activity 1/2 tsp. reaffirming motivation
1 cup of positive self-talk 1 lb. of workplace fulfillment
1 tbs. hanging out with friends 1/2 cup music and dancing
1/2 cup working on a passion/hobby 1/2 cup alone time (not TOO much)
1/2 tsp. getting cute and going out 1 cap-full of Moscato
1 pinch of new experiences
*1 handful of sexy chocolate man (can substitute caramel or macadamia)
* for experienced bakers ready to involve a partner
Finally, for my Bitter Bettys and Barrys, my sisters and brothers, don’t forget that Valentine’s Day is just a capitalistic ploy by THE MAN to shift from what’s really going on… BLACK HISTORY MONTH!!! [raises fist emphatically]
In parting I leave you with this,
Love your self. Black, white, alone, in a relationship, sorta short, freckly or what have you.
Remember to follow and join the mailing list. Love you! Kiss your mom for me!