It has been many moons since the last time I was in front of a camera. It’s also been many moons since I really felt creative. I’ve been carefully squirrelling my light away under a bushel. I’ve been calling that bushel “adulting”. This immovable obstruction pressed so firmly against the base of my skull that I can hardly get oxygen to my creative cortex.
I’m lying. I’m a liar. I lied. I’m hiding.
Out here in the “real world” (a saying that WISH teachers and well-meaning advisors would stop using IMMEDIATELY! It minimizes the experiences of adolescents and students that haven’t yet been thwarted by the pressures of life! #rant) the support of your student organizations and friends just ain’t what it used to be. Bills need paying and passion-projects don’t contribute to your 401k (don’t even get me started on how horrifying a concept saving for your retirement is!). I so often wish I was still her, lil’ Roze, as I affectionately call my former selves. Before the newest updates. The new fears. The grownup challenges. So I hid(e) in old memories relishing. “In undergrad I used to…”
Sure, I kept up with the blog, but I haven’t been taking chances. Haven’t had as many firsts in the years since matriculation. But I don’t want those parts of me to rust. Spoil. Die.
Somehow conversely, I think I’d been idealizing a potential 24/7 non-stop musing life. Some dopamine-fueled Issa Rae ecstasy dream where I only ever do what I want. Make what I want. Live how and where I want.
Hiding. Hoping. Not crafting or creating.
I want to be more Issa and less cubicle drone worker-bee, sure. But I also don’t wanna have to find individual health insurance on an open market. *gag*
So this is the middle road. Invest just a little more over time. Churn out better quality work more consistently. Collaborating. Saying loudly and proudly what I’m passionate about, and sharing/connecting with others. Taking MYSELF seriously. My talents seriously. Because I don’t want those parts of me to rust. Spoil. Die. Considering my day job, as just that; a temporary gig. I’m not trapped if always have creating as an out.
So here goes something new. I’ll admit I was a little uncomfortable reacquainting myself with a camera. Knowing it would capture my new adult body a little less forgivingly. Knowing that I’m still writing and rewriting my definition of sexy on a thrift store etch-a-sketch.
Wise Kouture and Roze Goes meet up to create a lookbook to help you work furs, camouflage, (p)leather, camel, and olive green into your wardrobe. Might just be the inspiration you need to put together your Black Panther opening weekend outfit!
I’m also considering improv! Took a drop-in course at the Villain Theater. It put a lump on my throat and a race in my heart. It felt uncomfortable, new, perfect! I’ll be back for more.
Check Wise Kouture out in a previous post! Art Basel 2015! Friends support friends.
When was the last time you did something for the first time? What was it? What’s keeping your light under a bushel? Finances, lack of opportunity, time? Share below, because I need more new. More firsts. I can’t be done already!
I don’t want those parts of YOU to rust. Spoil. Die. Eat the world! If even in tiny bites! Love you,