#LFTU Deliberate Action 

While listening to a TED talk I was reminded that life is a generous teacher; giving you multiple opportunities to to learn lessons and retake tests. I just happen to be one of those students in the classroom that had the miniature kitchen. You know. The portable behind the playground. You know.

Lessons it appears I NEED to learn:

  1. Leave the house EARLY! There’s never NOT going to be traffic!
  2. Stop pressing snooze. You’re not going to be magically more rested.
  3. Go with your gut! Trust your instincts… the FIRST time. Elephants know when it’s going to rain. You know that young man is going to waste your time!
  4. Be like the sky; constant despite changes. Be sure of your magnificence in spite of occasional clouds.
  5. If you break your word to yourself, what makes you think you’ll keep it when it concerns other!?
  6. “Let your yays be yays, and let your nays be nays.” My grandmother taught me that. It’s a shame that warnings don’t make sense until after you need them.I’ve been indecisive for almost all of my young adulthood. I can remember back in high school I couldn’t even use the iTunes star rating system. It felt too judgmental. Too final. Like Eminem would discover that I’d given “Lose Yourself” only 3 stars and take his song back.

I’m trying to listen, Universe. Really I am. But I’ve got this gosh dang banana in my ear.


Of course I ate it!

I’m sorry you guys. I wouldn’t normally do this to you, but my coworker Inception’d me. It’s like The Ring, but YouTube. I have to pass it on, or they’ll find my body frozen like a bad AT&T Uverse connection.

Roze Goes

(this one got a little weird… I’ll admit)
Like, rate, share, follow, and subscribe. Call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me!

 

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I’m a Senior Citizen.

So, I’m 83 years old. Well, I feel like it. Although I’m sure that’s inaccurate. Octogenarians are probably full of as much zest as their feeble dusty bodies can muster. Grateful for every moment and looking forward to the next. Brimming with wisdom and contentment given all that they’ve seen.

I am 26. Newly 26, and I make a hissing sound every time I have to say the new number. As if turning 26 makes you into a sewer-dwelling reptile. And no, not the cool pizza-eating kind. 

I live in a comfy cave with Netflix and comforters, and wifi, and Panera Bread cookies. I busy myself making excuses so I can convince myself that it’s acceptable to only half live. I practice them; adding anecdotes and relatable humor so that whenever I have to explain the nothingness of yet another weekend passed, it’ll be believable. It’ll sound totally appropriate to spend a weekend “resting up”. RESTING UP FOR WHAT!? The gym just a few hundred feet from my bed? My tiring eternal internal conflict? The absolutely draining Nextflix binge I just subjected my eyeballs to!?

TIRED FROM WHAT!? Tired from all the unused potential. The backed up kinetic energy is leaking into my abdomen and making my spleen hurt.

I’m afraid I would have to be ON all the time. Echelon-climbing, eyebrow-fleeking, passion-pursuing on-pointness all the time. Ain’t nobody got time for that!  In fact, I do. Hours slide by me. Days brush past me. Months mechanically click away like slides in a viewfinder.

Google defines Laissez-faire like this:


For me it’s more like Lazy-fear {pronounced with the same French flourish}

Lazy-fear (noun)

The policy on not trying super hard at much of anything so that either way you can pretend to be unphased. Forcing yourself to be happy with what little you work for and what little you achieve. Eating yourself up inside. Fake neutrality. 

Synonyms: Not doin $#!+, bullsh!++!&&, First world problems, procrastination etc.

New Mantra. 

  1. I’ll miss you both.
  2. [laugh]

Issa Rae is #awkwardblackgirlgoals


Basically.

To fight  the dementia that comes from spending all your time alone and lacking human contact, I forced myself to go out. I young-people’d and had a blast! Then my car got towed. Nice.

“Go out,”, they said. “It’ll be fun.”, they said. I’ve never seen a consequence so quickly doled out. The wages of fun is death! 

Doing fun things is fun, though. If geezers had the strength and will they’d jump me and steal my youth. I’ll try to use it more often. Try. I said try.

Ok. So I’m done, I think.

Roze Goes,

TF to sleep. I’m MF Tired. Like actually. Real sleep. I have a cold. Bye 

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All the Single Ladies!

I’m not easily persuaded. My fingers are almost completely OFF the pulse of the zeitgeist. I have little-to-no idea what the young people like, or “what’s hot in these streets”. Thusly, I don’t often buy into hype. I just finished watching S 2, Ep. 3 of Game of Thrones!

How to Be Single

The trailer didn’t sell me initially. The same ole trope: a young white woman longing to find herself embarks on an “I don’t need a man” journey of self-discovery in the big city.   What I expected was a New Girl/Sex In the City mash-up. I was pleasantly disappointed. Although virtually devoid of POC (except where they were offered up like optional side sauces in miniature tasting bowls; separate, other, and in quantities too little to appreciate), this white-chick flick hit pretty close to home.

A young woman, comfortable yet discontent in a relationship sets out to find out who she is. I am everyday working on the same. Some of the truths she stumbles up on are actually applicable.

  1. You only get a few moments of real self-knowledge when you’re not tied up in the accouterments of relationships.
  2. Young women, under the immense pressure and seemingly ultimate goal of relationship bliss and marriage, fall easily, and almost imperceptibly into men’s “d!&k sand”; losing ourselves in the process.
  3. Openness and ownership of your body and the decisions you choose to make with it. Everything you do, makes you everything you are, and shame/guilt are nothing you should ever be or consider yourself.
  4. Finally, I UGLY LAUGHED all throughout this movie. I felt it deep in me. The little moments of insecurity that sometimes remind you of how hard you work not to feel empty. The value of friends. I was reminded of just how much self-acceptance is a  rocky, rewarding, and never-ending journey. Gotta work at being the you you want!

Lady Dynamite

I love alternative humor and lately the universe has been sending a bunch of really powerful non-traditional roles played by actresses that’s aren’t quite so mainstream. They’re older, and not what others may consider classically beautiful. More importantly, the play characters that push social commentary,have internal struggles, and are genuinely working to be better people. They have more than just man troubles, and aren’t encumbered with need to be bashful, comedically awkward, or cutely quirky. (I’m talking about you Zoe Deschanel!)

Spy


Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt 


Here’s what bums me out. That they’re aren’t more women of color in roles like this. Perhaps we’re too busy unpacking colonialism, defending the idea that Black Lives Matter, or bathing our children with bottled water. Maybe we’re not journeying to discover ourselves because our roles were written for us hundreds of years before were were born. Maybe they’re waiting for me to write their voices.

Roze Goes
… To a dark (skinned) place