Living to Death!

I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m not supposed to be here. That I’m being Inception-ed.

For as long as I can remember, I have felt out of place. Not weird. Well, not just weird. Other. Like I don’t believe I’m from this world. Or this time in this world. What’s the opposite of an old soul?

No skipping and definitely no backsies.

Till then I’m the slowest time traveler to ever do it. Traveling at the speed of a life. At the speed of death. An average of 78 years with modern medicines and moderate diet and exercise. Coordinates: unknown. Arrival time: death. The most futuristic I will ever be.

Every moment simultaneously the youngest I will ever be, and the oldest I’ve ever been. Feeling more, doing more, influencing more, to impact the future I was sent from. What’s the opposite of Terminator? Mission: live to death.

Clearly I’ve watched a lot of movies.

Roze Goes… TO THE FUTURE!!!

#LFTU Deliberate Action 

While listening to a TED talk I was reminded that life is a generous teacher; giving you multiple opportunities to to learn lessons and retake tests. I just happen to be one of those students in the classroom that had the miniature kitchen. You know. The portable behind the playground. You know.

Lessons it appears I NEED to learn:

  1. Leave the house EARLY! There’s never NOT going to be traffic!
  2. Stop pressing snooze. You’re not going to be magically more rested.
  3. Go with your gut! Trust your instincts… the FIRST time. Elephants know when it’s going to rain. You know that young man is going to waste your time!
  4. Be like the sky; constant despite changes. Be sure of your magnificence in spite of occasional clouds.
  5. If you break your word to yourself, what makes you think you’ll keep it when it concerns other!?
  6. “Let your yays be yays, and let your nays be nays.” My grandmother taught me that. It’s a shame that warnings don’t make sense until after you need them.I’ve been indecisive for almost all of my young adulthood. I can remember back in high school I couldn’t even use the iTunes star rating system. It felt too judgmental. Too final. Like Eminem would discover that I’d given “Lose Yourself” only 3 stars and take his song back.

I’m trying to listen, Universe. Really I am. But I’ve got this gosh dang banana in my ear.


Of course I ate it!

I’m sorry you guys. I wouldn’t normally do this to you, but my coworker Inception’d me. It’s like The Ring, but YouTube. I have to pass it on, or they’ll find my body frozen like a bad AT&T Uverse connection.

Roze Goes

(this one got a little weird… I’ll admit)
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Roze Goes Footer

So Lately…

So lately my subconscious has been a mess. I can’t think straight and I’m convinced my dreams are coming to get me. I write them down in the mornings now. Pour over them like lecture notes sifting for pieces of congruity, hoping for a little insight. Close but no cigar. Some say dreams are your sleeping mind’s attempts to sort through your waking mind’s problems. My dreams are so vivid, so outlandish, so full of sensory overload that I sometimes I wake up short of breath or overcome with emotion. Even when I close my eyes there’s no solace, no peace. Some of the recurring themes are as plain as day and some others are an abstract blur like a Jackson pollack waiting for me behind my retinas. No “Oceans Eleven” crew, no “Inception” team could make it out of my mind. What am I suppose to do? Where am I supposed to go if I cant even retreat within myself ?