All the Single (White) Ladies! 💁🏼‍♀️💁🏻‍♀️💁‍♀️

I’m not easily persuaded. My fingers are almost completely OFF the pulse of the zeitgeist. I have little-to-no idea what the young people like, or “what’s hot in these streets”. Thusly, I don’t often buy into hype. I just finished watching Season 2, Ep. 3 of Game of Thrones!

How to Be Single

The trailer didn’t sell me initially. The same ole trope: a young white woman longing to find herself embarks on an “I don’t need a man” journey of self-discovery in the big city.   What I expected was a New Girl/Sex In the City mash-up. I was pleasantly disappointed. Although virtually devoid of POC (except where they were offered up like optional side sauces in miniature tasting bowls; separate, other, and in quantities too little to appreciate), this white-chick flick hit pretty close to home.

A young woman, comfortable yet discontent in a relationship sets out to find out who she is. I am everyday working on the same. Some of the truths she stumbles up on are actually applicable.

  1. You only get a few moments of real self-knowledge when you’re not tied up in the accouterments of relationships.
  2. Young women, under the immense pressure and seemingly ultimate goal of relationship bliss and marriage, fall easily, and almost imperceptibly, into men’s “d!&k sand”; losing ourselves in the process.
  3. Openness and ownership of your body and the decisions you choose to make with it. Everything you do, makes you everything you are, and shame/guilt are nothing you should ever be or consider yourself.
  4. Finally, I UGLY LAUGHED all throughout this movie. I felt it deep in me. The little moments of insecurity that sometimes remind you of how hard you work not to feel empty. The value of friends. I was reminded of just how much self-acceptance is a  rocky, rewarding, and never-ending journey. Gotta work at being the you you want!

Lady Dynamite

I love alternative humor and lately the universe has been sending a bunch of really powerful non-traditional roles played by actresses that’s aren’t quite so mainstream. They’re older, and not what others may consider classically beautiful. More importantly, they play characters that push social commentary, have internal struggles, and are genuinely working to be better people. They have more than just man troubles, and aren’t encumbered with need to be bashful, comedically awkward, or cutely quirky. (I’m talking about you Zoe Deschanel!)

Spy


Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt 


Here’s what bums me out. That they’re aren’t more women of color in roles like this. Perhaps we’re too busy unpacking colonialism, defending the idea that Black Lives do in fact Matter, or bathing our children with bottled water. Maybe we’re not journeying to discover ourselves because our roles were written for us hundreds of years before were were born. Maybe they’re waiting for me to write their voices.

Roze Goes
… To a dark (skinned) place

A Week Without Netflix

Well, a work week.  Actually, ” A Monday through Friday Afternoon Without Netflix” would be a more appropriate title.

It started out so noble. smh.

Anecdotal Introduction:

[Group therapy setting with counselor that looks suspiciously similar to Brown Sugar actress and Black People Movies starlet Sanaa Lathan]

Group Counselor: “Please stand, say your name, and own your shame.”

Roze: “Roze… *Counselor Lathan stares entreatingly* … Goes?”

Sanaa: “Now, to the group, name your shame!”

Roze: *rises slowly from creaky/rusted/tan/ metal folding chair* “My name is Roze,  *throat clenches* and I am addicted to Netflix!”

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Sanaa Lathan: Roze, When did you first fall in love with Hip-Hop Netflix? {I KNEW IT!}

End Anectode

My earliest  memories of Netflix started around 2010. I was about two years into undergrad, and they were only brief flashes. At a friend’s house, glancing over at a neighboring computer in the library. Stolen passwords and shared accounts. Being kicked off from too many users; the beginnings of a relationship.

We got serious a few years ago. I struck out on my own, cable was expensive, and I needed something stable. Netflix was there for me. When my work was unfulfilling and I didn’t feel creative. When I wanted to go adventuring, but couldn’t be bothered to put on pants. When I wanted to learn something new, but was still too shell-shocked from undergrad.

[Narrator from Snapped voice] But soon, the honeymoon would be over…

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I was refusing invites. I told myself I was saving money. Watched Friday nights melt away and soothed myself with BBC mystery shows set in quaint old-timey villages. I was in a rut. Putting off real life for imagined ones. Busying myself with nothing. We were spiraling; co-dependent.

co dependent

One day it got to be too much. My fingers stained orange from the bags and bags of hot fries. My bonnet had fallen off long ago. I could hardly recognize myself.

I was only then that I realized I didn’t NEED it. I didn’t HAVE to live this way. I could make another choice. The choice to get out.

It was hard at first. SO reflexive. Fill the silence with Netflix. I would roll over in the night and my fingers would find the power button almost on their own. So easily accessible, the both of us. But I needed to change. I did.

One afternoon melded into another, one week became two, and then it hit me. I had gone WEEKS without Netflix. I was better, stronger, faster. *makes bionic man sounds with mouth*

Now, we’re more casual. We see each other on the weekends, and I’m fine with it. I busy myself with the hobbies Netflix kept me too hopped up to remember. I read. I’m back to making crochet crop tops. I’m planning for my future.

Anyway. You’re sitting on the couch… 

This week, challenge yourself to quit something. At least Monday through Friday afternoon. Learn to crochet. Say yes a few more times. Spend a little more time outside. Take a trip. Quit your job. Stare directly into the eclipse. Blind yourself! Be adventurous!

Roze Goes,

I missed you! (yes, you!)

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Part-Time Lover


The eternal joblessness forced me to look into the abyss, and in turn, I allowed it to look into me. I was only recently able to put together words to describe the silent sneaking fear waiting just below the surface. Actually acquiring one of those “big girl jobs” I so desperately covet and having to work ….

[blood curdling horror movie scream]

…FULL TIME!!!


How exactly does one “full time”? It may be my millennial entitlement talking, but why can’t I just be paid to follow my bliss? Punching a clock day in and day out sounds like signing up to be a drooling cubicle slave. It sounds like being chained  to a desk while all that I love (and cannot currently afford) is held dangling over a vat of boiling acid(ic debt).


Is that really what adulting means? How can I survive with both my exquisite brain and powerful lower body intact?

[sigh] This is going to be, you know, a fascinating transition.

In other news Netflix ‘s Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt has been speaking to my LIFE! She’s so honest, vulnerable, optimistic, weird, and willing to learn. Just like me. #hashbrownawesomesauce


In parting, I leave you with this:

Remember not to run from bears, just pretend to be dead. That’s also my philosophy regarding any major responsibilities. Also, go get Netflix if you haven’t (psssh, of course you have, what are you, the Amish? I’m sorry if you or your loved ones are Amish and find this offensive. But wait, how did you internet?)  and watch my darling Kim-becile.

Roze Goes

Like, rate, share, follow, and subscribe. Call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me!

 

*Prize for the first person to tell me how many Kimmy references are in this post. It’s cashews. The Prize is are cashews!*