A Week Without Netflix

Well, a work week.  Actually, ” A Monday through Friday Afternoon Without Netflix” would be a more appropriate title.

It started out so noble. smh.

Anecdotal Introduction:

[Group therapy setting with counselor that looks suspiciously similar to Brown Sugar actress and Black People Movies starlet Sanaa Lathan]

Group Counselor: “Please stand, say your name, and own your shame.”

Roze: “Roze… *Counselor Lathan stares entreatingly* … Goes?”

Sanaa: “Now, to the group, name your shame!”

Roze: *rises slowly from creaky/rusted/tan/ metal folding chair* “My name is Roze,  *throat clenches* and I am addicted to Netflix!”

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Sanaa Lathan: Roze, When did you first fall in love with Hip-Hop Netflix? {I KNEW IT!}

End Anectode

My earliest  memories of Netflix started around 2010. I was about two years into undergrad, and they were only brief flashes. At a friend’s house, glancing over at a neighboring computer in the library. Stolen passwords and shared accounts. Being kicked off from too many users; the beginnings of a relationship.

We got serious a few years ago. I struck out on my own, cable was expensive, and I needed something stable. Netflix was there for me. When my work was unfulfilling and I didn’t feel creative. When I wanted to go adventuring, but couldn’t be bothered to put on pants. When I wanted to learn something new, but was still too shell-shocked from undergrad.

[Narrator from Snapped voice] But soon, the honeymoon would be over…

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I was refusing invites. I told myself I was saving money. Watched Friday nights melt away and soothed myself with BBC mystery shows set in quaint old-timey villages. I was in a rut. Putting off real life for imagined ones. Busying myself with nothing. We were spiraling; co-dependent.

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One day it got to be too much. My fingers stained orange from the bags and bags of hot fries. My bonnet had fallen off long ago. I could hardly recognize myself.

I was only then that I realized I didn’t NEED it. I didn’t HAVE to live this way. I could make another choice. The choice to get out.

It was hard at first. SO reflexive. Fill the silence with Netflix. I would roll over in the night and my fingers would find the power button almost on their own. So easily accessible, the both of us. But I needed to change. I did.

One afternoon melded into another, one week became two, and then it hit me. I had gone WEEKS without Netflix. I was better, stronger, faster. *makes bionic man sounds with mouth*

Now, we’re more casual. We see each other on the weekends, and I’m fine with it. I busy myself with the hobbies Netflix kept me too hopped up to remember. I read. I’m back to making crochet crop tops. I’m planning for my future.

Anyway. You’re sitting on the couch… 

This week, challenge yourself to quit something. At least Monday through Friday afternoon. Learn to crochet. Say yes a few more times. Spend a little more time outside. Take a trip. Quit your job. Stare directly into the eclipse. Blind yourself! Be adventurous!

Roze Goes,

I missed you! (yes, you!)

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#LFTU SELF Assurance 

Close your eyes and imagine the following. Well, just close one eye, you still gotta read.

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Imagine studying tirelessly for years; working day in and day out to eventually win the title of medical doctor. Only to have 80% of your patients think they can out-diagnose you with WebMD. Everyday your many years of study, apprenticeship, and practice questioned by someone that can’t even spell what they think they have, and worse yet, are responsible for making themselves sick!

That’s  what you look like second guessing the captain of your own ship – you! {*cough*Roze!}

You’ve circled the sun so many times. You’ve watched your entire life play out in front of you in Hi Def. Yet and still you doubt the most accurate account of your life to have ever been created. You’re so full of doubt that you’d let someone else write your autobiography!

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Failure is an impeccable teacher. Unfortunately, what we sometimes learn, is that we can’t trust ourselves: our instincts, our feelings, our ability to make decisions. So you subscribe to outlets and newsletters promising that they can help you de-clutter both your brain and closet. Before long, you wind up with an inbox full of so many other people’s two cents that you are slowly going bankrupt. Letting ’em drown out the inner voice you used to cultivate.

Now we read things like:

  1. 10 Trends Our Editors Predict for 2017
  2. 8 Ways to Get Ahead in Your Career Field
  3. Eat THIS to get the body of your Dreams!
  4. Celebrities Swear by THIS Special Secret Blood Ritual
  5. Don’t Poop Until You Read This!

Can you tell I really like The Wiz? #TeamUzoAduba

I get it. We’ve messed up. We’ve made terrible decisions with our credit, ambitions, outfits, favorite colors, and relationships. It’s easier to think someone else is doing better, or even doing it better. You’d rather be vanilla yogurt than admit you’re afraid of what might come tumbling out of your big dumb facehole.

You do a little comparing because it makes you feel good. If someone is doing better than you, the work is half done. Now, all you have to do is follow their instructions. But they can only half-teach you how to become the Metro PCS version of them. Guidelines can be gleaned from others. Little pearls of wisdom. You can’t steal their necklace, no matter how shiny.

Take my dawg Patricia here. I don’t actually know her. She makes helpful YouTube videos. Her numbers might suggest that her videos are unpopular, and maybe she’s compare herself to other YouTube-ers. Nonetheless, she’s living her truth and exploring her niche.

By now my inner voice is cracked and raw. Sometimes I have to silence my whole life to hear it. Too long I was telling it to hush, hiding it in the utility closet whenever company would come. I’ll shush my whole life to hear myself. I don’t trust anyone else more. Not anymore.

In parting, I leave you with the words of Katt Williams. A famed professor of culture current events… till that middle-schooler. {sadface}

It’s the assurance of your MF SELF!

(Ignore the cursing. Just swap out the references to ladies, fellas. This applies to you too!)

Roze Goes,

In search of a quiet place to listen to herself …

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Thug-olutions: New Year, Essentially the Same Me

I’m a thug [read emotionally intelligent and proactively self aware individual]. Thugs don’t make resolutions. They are everyday attempting to review and renew in order to rise from their ashes and reveal and shiny new self [see also Phoenix]. Thugs don’t wait until January 1st. CLEARLY they wait until The 5th! In my defense, I began working on these months ago. I’m sharing with you in the hopes of getting a few accountability partners.

My New Years Thug-olutions (featuring some help from Instagram and a Buzzfeed post I read) are as follows:

1. You owe it to yourself to research your passions. Don’t bury them; unfulfilled and sitting silent in the soul like seeds seeds waiting in dormancy.  

2. Enjoy your own company. Stop linking your enjoyment of experiences to the company of others. Friends can make good times better, you always have the company of your closest friend… You!


3. Get out of your head! Sometimes im so cerebral, it’s like playing chess with people that don’t know they’re in a tournament. Just open your mouth. Tell people what you want/think/need/feel. Those who matter don’t mind, and those that mind don’t matter!

4. Save some money! You’re 25 years old! Have something to show for it!



5. Take care of your body! It’s the vehicle by which you experience this wonderful three dimensional world! Be a good steward!

Drink some water! Go to sleep on time!

6. Talk good to yourself. Make YOU feel good! Flatter the person in the mirror.


7. Take responsibility for your part in relationships that have failed. I don’t mean get stuck in the past, but there are things you can learn from it. You’re not just the victim, you’re also a perpetrator … in part. You allowed that person to enter and remain in your presence. Make a list and act on the top three steps (you don’t know them because they’ll be the things you repeatedly failed to do).

For me they are

a. Ask hard hitting questions that get at the heart of others’ intentions. Friends and loved ones may struggle to find the words, but not hesitate or attempt to deceive.

b. Be happy in/of your self so that arguments and discord in particular relationships don’t make your whole life feel like a failure.

c. Take responsibility for your interactions. Be conscious of how your speech/interaction style affects others and what it says about you. Be honest, I think long-term, think about what you want from that person and your relationship with them.

Happy New Year, lil’ thugs! Go forth and prosper!


Roze Goes. The blogger formerly known as “Not-so-Negative, Nancy”