2019: Year of Compatibility

Today marks two weeks of travel into the new year. Exactly fourteen days of reflection, goal-setting, and a lot of backsliding. I’m digging in: committing to making my one and only life work. In the last few weeks I kept hearing a word come up in conversations, in books, on screens. My new theme.

Last year…

2018, for me, was defined by a particular word. A running theme that spanned 365 days of challenging, irritating, and patience-building circumstances.

That word was resilience.

From relationship woes to impending unemployment. From seeking to securing to adjusting to a new and more exciting job.

From stress-induced fender-bender to a car accident that totaled my baby Harriet (Tubman because she freed me). Crying for months on the phone with – and in the offices of – unaccommodating car catastrophe-related personnel.

I had to tough it out. Find stores of resilience in myself because no matter how inconvenient and painful, ultimately not one in that series of unfortunate events, would kill me.

There’s something both empowering and disheartening in knowing that you can survive more. In knowing that you can -and one day will have to- be even stronger still. To my genuine dismay I’d have to make it, and keep making it until I encounter something that actually could… kill me.

2018 brought me my first major loan/credit debt-builder while simultaneously rewarding me for my fastidious and measured money management. That gave me the chance to buy a new newish new-to-me car without a co-sign.

2018 brought me a new apartment and a supportive and enjoyable new roomate. Desperation forced our hands, and leases loomed, but a great new friendship formed with each passing month.

Finally, 2018 brought me a new job and plenty of opportunities to learn more about coworker relationships, leadership, and the bureaucratic entities that govern worky-desky-sitty jobs. I’m learning to detect and define my red flags: in romance, in myself, and in my past.

This Year…

In all that I experienced last year, the greatest lesson, and this year’s word, is compatibility. Too many times I’ve forced interactions, and ignored red flags. I’ve wanted things and people more than I’ve wanted peace and flow. I’ve sacrificed compatibility thinking it would yield results in the long run while suffering daily. Living in-authentically. Incompatibly.

I’m committing myself to effortlessness. No matter how contradictory that sounds. ūü§¶ūüŹĺ‚Äć‚ôÄÔłŹūü§∑ūüŹĺ‚Äć‚ôÄÔłŹ I’m working everyday to create a free-flowing life. Disciplining my time and my life to allow in the types of opportunities that I want to experience and take advantage of. If I can nail down my habits, I will have the discernment necessary to adjudicate over delicious new experiences with the time and preparation to appreciate them. What I’ll need is discipline.

Plot twist: Discipline is this cool new form of self-care where you follow a schedule, prompt yourself, and do things that benefit your life. Get this, if you push through your reluctance, and fatigue and keep to your word, you actually see your life improve! Crazy, right!?

My new Mantra. It gets me out of bed. Out of the car for work. Into the gym despite this unusual cold snap. I mumble it to myself in traffic, and as I set my alarms. “Discipline is love. Discipline is love. Discipline is love.” In the shower when my mental to-do list at work gets disparagingly long, “Discipline is love.”

Discipline is the new hygge. Discipline is the new pilates, hot yoga, and cycling combined. For the last two weeks I have set a schedule for myself and begun sleeping at a certain time, setting particular days to work out or study for class. I’ve taken specific steps to make myself ready and remove excuses.

Shoutout to @Amaa_Official on Twitter for Inception inseminating my mind!

Ways that I’ve been utilizing discipline to increase compatibility in 2019:

  • I speak immediately on the things causing me anxiety and don’t murder myself by over thinking the outcomes and avoiding difficult conversations
  • I put my clothes out the night before AND check the weather
  • I schedule my workouts and don’t stress if I miss one. I just resume immediately at the next scheduled opportunity
  • I meal prep to save money, keep on diet, and feel like a grown up
  • I try to do things at the same times each day to create routine and run on muscle memory
  • I can spend time with friends and family more often if I make them shorter outings. (for instance, I can say yes to a party without anxiety because I know be there for no more than 120 minutes)
  • I let my phone die on Saturday mornings, and don’t power up again until the evening. A whole day off the grid to work on my blog, homework, connect to loved ones, work out, get domestic, or just relax
  • I refuse to be inhabited by guilt so I leave work at a reasonable time and wake up early to recap before I sit at my desk. No more unfocused late nights churning out half-assed results from a foggy anxious brain drain

I want to be calling things, relationships, experiences, and opportunities toward me. I want to create a space where growth, love, and contentment are welcomed. I want to have room for change, and be the person with the mindset to make use of that change. Discipline is love. Love for me, for my friends and family, love for my readers, and the individuals I serve. I want to love my life more, so I need to discipline it.

Discipline is love.

Are You Vision Bored?

I’m itchy. Feeling stagnant. The jobless dry spell has taught me so much about being mindful and monitoring my emotions so that I can assess¬†them and take action before they really take hold. So rather than allowing myself to fall into a funk and walking around with a permanent stank-face, I’ve chosen to share…

Lately I’ve been…

  1. Questioning my goals, and feeling somewhat foggy about what things I want to achieve. Sometimes the world can be TOO MUCH your oyster and you develop a shellfish allergy. I keep hoping my purpose will just *pop* come to me in a dream, no such luck.
  2. Feeling unmotivated. Working in education, in particular at undeserved schools with challenging students, it’s hard to feel impactful. Public school being what it is, it can really be difficult to feel like you’re making ant sort of difference and most days I leave with a headache and what I can only assume is the makings of an ulcer.
  3. Comparing myself to others. I feel out-of-place. On the one hand I’m so proud of my peers that are finally reaching successes in their respective fields, but I can’t help but feel like I’m coming up short-sheeted and empty-handed. {epic frowny face}
  4. Feeling like I’m the only twenty-something going through this. [lol, dumb] As if no one has ever experienced this particular brand of frenzied, helpless, impotence. (If Oprah made it, I can make it.) ¬†It helps to watch movies, shows, and webisodes that depict other struggling twenty-somethings in a humorous light; full of anxiety, potential, and quirk. Like these! Check¬†out this early episode of Broad City when they were just teeny tiny little¬†webisodes. Now they’re all rich and fancy like I will be!
  5. Feeling resentment, anger bitterness. Toward others occasionally, but mostly toward myself. {sigh, I’m sorry Roze}
  6. Linking all the things that I want, and want to experience, to money. All the fun things cost money. I have to remember that I’m broke, not broken. Gotta find joy in the free and intangible things. In order to have what you want, you must first want what you have… (easier said that done).

But, I have taken some action steps…

  1. In the spirit of never loving yourself TOO much, I’ve developed a mantra. If you like it, use it. In the shower, and whenever I feel myself becoming a Negative Nancy, I say something that follows the following pattern ” I am _______, I have _______, and I am capable of ________.” It can be as long as you want, as long as it flows and is easy to remember/repeat. Hope it helps!
  2. I purchased a yoga mat and a resistance band. If I can’t get to the gym, I can bring it to me. Most importantly, I can stop complaining about my tummy and make use of my ill-used down time. ¬†Complaining about something, and making no effort to change it, is like pouring poison into your own well.
  3. I’ve been using my sleeplessness to my advantage. Rather than laying about tossing and turning, I force myself up and do at least a little work on a cover letter or research a master’s program. The little perk you get, from even a minute accomplishment, helps to settle your mind and makes the Sandman easier to gag and bind catch. I mean you’re gonna be tired the next day anyway, you might as well be tired and nearer to your goals.
  4. I made a vision board! It serves as a visual representation of the goals I want to achieve, or least get stated on, this year. You can make one too! Here’s how¬†You can skip the ritual parts if you’re not into that.

    vision board 2
    Select images and words that capture your goals and will motivate you to achieve them.

    vision board 3
    Position them how you want.

    vision board 4
    You may find that they are more visually cohesive or meaningful in another order.

    vision board 5
    Add any phrases or decorations you may want. Hang somewhere you will see OFTEN! I put mine on the back of my door. Any time I leave the house I will either be shamed or empowered, either way motivated.

    As usual, go visit my “Adulting” board on Pinterest. I’m constantly updating it with tips and tricks. Also, check out this DJ Private Ryan Mix¬†! Music helps the adulthood go down smoother!Roze Goes

While You Were Out…

I’m like a baby. Well, more like a peek-a-boo enthusiast. Once I put my hands over my eyes, the universe¬†implodes into an unfathomable white hole.¬†At least that’s what I think¬†happens¬†when I¬†neglect¬†to post for a while. I’m sure that’s not the case at all. Your lives probably continue;¬†reluctantly checking¬†your emails, being scolded at¬†Starbucks¬†when you call a ‘tall’ a ‘small’, and washing the whites you’ve saved up for three months.¬†¬†Rather than¬†regaling¬†you with the ins and outs of my obviously posh life fill of celebrity and adventure, I’ll do what I’m good at; making lists. My life for the last couple of months in pictures and videos.

1…. met Rosario Dawson. She’s pretty bad-ass!

2. Homecoming 2012. I’m the girl in the suit!

I’m like a 2012 Grace Jones!

3. I’m in love with this song and video! It’s like Tumblr had a baby with Rihanna and gave birth on VEVO!

4. I’m actually doing really well in school this semester and am ¬†hoping¬†to finish¬†this semester off strong, although senioritis is a B!$H! On the upside, the semester’s coming swiftly to an end!

5. .. been playing a lot lately with bow ties and androgyny. The perks of being a baldie!

6. There was this guy, and he ran for President, but he didn’t quite win. This guy was his Public Relations Coordinator. Explains itself.

YAY!!! Romney – Ryan!!!

7. I’ve been getting better and waking up early to start¬†productive¬†and fulfilling days. They start off with yoga, meditation, and yogurt and end¬†promptly¬†with that. I dropped a post. Like to read it, here it goes!


… and then a little interpretive dance…

8. I have¬†truly¬†come into form. I’m a genuine Jamaican! [insert stereotype about multiple jobs here] Two jobs and I’m searching for a third. I have goals. Non-free goals. Those non-free goals require money, American money. BUT when I get off, it looks something like this…

Um… I can’t think of anything else right now. I’ve missed you terribly. How come you don’t call me anymore!?


Summer’s Around the Corner…

… and I’ve been thinking about the end of the semester and how my summer will go. I still have three finals to¬†attend¬†to as well as courses to take over the summer. the month of April has kept me busier than the¬†hamsters¬†(poor lil tired furry feet) that run the internet. I want to finish strong but I just really wanna be done. I’m kind of feeling like this…

Well, not exactly like this… GWAR kinda went a little left with it…

I have a Summer To-Do List (one of my many ongoing lists)

1. ¬†Get back into Yoga! I miss being flexible and centered; one with the universe and all that jazz. Really I just used to get up in the morning, read a Bible verse, do some yoga, and drink a glass of OJ. It was my quiet time to get my day started. But I’ve been “rippin’ and runnin’ ” (as my Mom would say) so¬†aggressively¬†these last two semesters that I’ve really fallen off with my discipline.

2. I want my blog to be taken seriously, so I WILL post more consistently. At LEAST every three days.

3. Little known fact: I¬†don’t¬†have my¬†licence, so I want to FINALLY get that. (tired of “Oh you can’t drive? What’s wrong with you?” commentary… *frown*)

4. Work! Work! Work! … and Save! Save! Save!

5. Get crafty and start on all the projects ion my head! (I’m a little homemaker, tall and thin, here are my¬†scissors, here is my glue!)

6. Network More!! I’m friendly and resourceful, why¬†aren’t¬†I better connected?

7. Go to the beach! It get;s kinda played out in Florida so believe it or not, I¬†haven’t¬†been in about a year!

8. Get in SHAPE!!!!

9. Travel! I want to go somewhere on my own time. I want to visit and appreciate at my own leisure, not when¬†you’re¬†on a family trip and the only parts of Brooklyn you see are in your grand-aunt’s house.

10. Stop cursing! I don’t do it too often, but I’m too complacent with it. It slips out comfortably in conversation like it belongs. (GET BACK IN THE BASEMENT, EXPLETIVE!!!!!!) It betrays my¬†labyrinthine¬†vocabulary! I want to be better!

11. I want to read WAY more often. Not just required text. Mounds of homework over the years make you shirk from literature like vampires from the light. Somebody, please recommend me some a good read!

12. Look ahead to the fall¬†semester¬†and plan out my involvement and career goals. i need to get serious about what I’m going to do in the coming years. I wont be in college forever (no matter how it feels now). Will it be grad school? A 9-5 job? Med School? Will I pursue my passions and roam the world for a while?

Ok so… what else?

I met Finesse Mitchell (yum) when he came to our school! I got a couple of¬†pictures¬†with him, the one I’m using as my background is definitely the BESTEST!!! ¬†went to a leadership conference which was¬†enlightening¬†and great! I¬†learned¬†about motivation, goal-setting, and working with others. This week went by super fast!!

Summer, GWAR, and Finesse Mitchell’s ole’ sexy self!!!!